Posts by Coffee House Girl

9

Does it sound like a "cop out" when...

by Coffee House Girl in

one of my really good jw friends (which now means he can no longer be my friend) came into the shop i work in today with two other jw's to buy some guitar strings and things- i could tell he was uncomfortable walking in the shop (he hesitated at the door) and i was on the phone so i couldn't wait on them personally so all i could think of to do is make a smart ass comment about his hair cut.. they made their purchase & walked out we smiled and waved to each other.. he obviously did not buy anything and they all know where i work, so he just came in to check me out (not in a flirty way).. he has always been a bit on the "edge" when it comes to jw practices (watches r rated movies, listens to "bad" music, drinks, and he does text me occasionally to talk about music and un-jw related subjects).

should i have tried to reach him with the truth about the truth?.

i ponder this question lately with some of my loved ones so i will ask you all........ if i could be reached by talking rationally with me to look further into the religion i was blindly following- should i try reaching someone i care about?.

Coffee House Girl

Thanks for all your replies,

MrFreeze- I also lived the double life for a bit at the end of my downward slide out of the bOrg- my friend and I always talked about movies and music on the DL (we never discussed with anyone else what we saw)

Tammy- I am interested in knowing how your questioning goes with your friend when she visits, and I am thankful for this site & do try to post my experiences in hopes of helping others with their tough decisions, thank you

Aude- He did text later last nite to tell me he got smashing pumpkins tickets- I did apologize for not getting to talk more, he said it was nice to see me- that made me feel good, I miss him. He is the only JW that tries to text occasionally to see if I am still alive, I respect that he doesn't try to guilt me into comming back. Now that I am out I just feel sad for him sometimes, he had a nice girlfriend but was pressured by the elders to cool off the relationship until they are both older and regular pioneers (and he is trying to do that...aarrg!). I just wish he wasn't wasting his youth like I wasted mine.

Jamie- I too always make a point to smile big and act friendly to any JW's I see & try to show them that just because I left doesn't mean I am now a crack whore.

SL- lol, your right about the guilt induced "informal witness" flashbacks !!! Will I ever get over it????

9

Does it sound like a "cop out" when...

by Coffee House Girl in

one of my really good jw friends (which now means he can no longer be my friend) came into the shop i work in today with two other jw's to buy some guitar strings and things- i could tell he was uncomfortable walking in the shop (he hesitated at the door) and i was on the phone so i couldn't wait on them personally so all i could think of to do is make a smart ass comment about his hair cut.. they made their purchase & walked out we smiled and waved to each other.. he obviously did not buy anything and they all know where i work, so he just came in to check me out (not in a flirty way).. he has always been a bit on the "edge" when it comes to jw practices (watches r rated movies, listens to "bad" music, drinks, and he does text me occasionally to talk about music and un-jw related subjects).

should i have tried to reach him with the truth about the truth?.

i ponder this question lately with some of my loved ones so i will ask you all........ if i could be reached by talking rationally with me to look further into the religion i was blindly following- should i try reaching someone i care about?.

Coffee House Girl

One of my really good JW friends (which now means he can no longer be my friend) came into the shop I work in today with two other JW's to buy some guitar strings and things- I could tell he was uncomfortable walking in the shop (he hesitated at the door) and I was on the phone so I couldn't wait on them personally so all I could think of to do is make a smart ass comment about his hair cut.

They made their purchase & walked out we smiled and waved to each other.

He obviously did not buy anything and they all know where I work, so he just came in to check me out (not in a flirty way).

He has always been a bit on the "edge" when it comes to JW practices (watches R rated movies, listens to "bad" music, drinks, and he does text me occasionally to talk about music and un-JW related subjects).

Should I have tried to reach him with the truth about the truth?

I ponder this question lately with some of my loved ones so I will ask you all.......

If I could be reached by talking rationally with me to look further into the religion I was blindly following- should I try reaching someone I care about?

I read Steve Hassan's book and can study more about how to talk to the real person (not the cult-version)...but ethically, do I have an obligation to help others?

My friend is a bright young kid who could potentially have a career, love, freedom- but at the same price I paid (that is, loss of family and friends, and shock of learning a new hope for his mom who passed away 2 years ago)

What have you all done in my shoes????

Thanks for your insights

CHG

24

Not a big deal to some but a big deal to me!

by Simon Morley in

jw
friends

2010:07:01 offically "inactive" - whats next?

- flurry of calls?, co/coboe "we want to encourage you..."?

given the vitrolic nature of my exit i doubt they want to come around.

Coffee House Girl

Yup, been inactive for almost 10 months now & just literally sold some guitar strings to two dubs (yea I am at work sneaking on this site)- it wasnt too awkward- they pretended not to know me and I took their money and they left without a word

Congrats to you, will they call and bother you??? it depends on the cong. you once went to (you know the elders better than most being an ex-elder) I hope for your sake they are lazy and too scared of you to bother-

what is the next milestone for you? no convention this year??? this will be my first year not going-

glad you are celebrating living your life!

CHG

91

Newly Exiting JW's ( Last 5 years ) How are you Doing in Life? Let Us Know

by flipper in

jw
friends

considering the fact we've had so many newbies here i thought it would be good to just open it up to you folks to see how life is going for you since you exited the witnesses ?

it's hard many times to move on- however with lots of ex-witnesses on the board here who have been through similar experiences - perhaps those of us who have been out awhile can give you someideas on how to move on in your post jw life to make it a little easier .

so fire away newbies and recently exited jw 's.

Coffee House Girl

Thanks for the thread Flipper

I am encouraged (sorry about the dubism "encouraged") by everyone's process that they have gone through, and the mental place they are in now.

I am new here, and I agree that making new friends is really hard to do- I am not so good at taking the initiative. And perhaps because of pickiness on my part, I dont find many people that interesting to get to know yet.

Being enrolled at university helps me to get out there and talk to other quasi-normal people.

The other major revelation for me is...I can be anything I want to be, I just have to go do it!!! That was such a shocker for me, I had such a hard time deciding what to go to college for. I chose social work because in some odd twisted way I thought that would look good to my JW family members still in- so I was still striving for their approval. But this is my life!!!!!! So as my BF has described it, I am adjusting my career path. I spent some time considering what I am really interested in doing with my life....when I was a kid I loved art and history and museums---It hit me like a lightning bolt!

So I am transferring my credits to another university to major in art history, I haven't told my JW mom yet & I dont really think I will, she wont understand anyway....our conversations do get more and more distant & she never asks me how I am doing, or about school.

Thanks for sharing everyone

CHG

175

Were you Stalked or Chased After Once you Exited the JW's by Elders ?

by flipper in

jw
friends

i tried to fade off the map by moving 30 miles initially in 2004 after i exited in late 2003 .

the first several years they didn't bother me.

i ran into a elder from my former congregation in late 2005 in an antique store - he tried telling me i was wrong for stopping attending meetings.

Coffee House Girl

Sorry, didnt see this thread until now...

Yes, Indeed many of us trying to sucessfully fade want to read how others have beat the system...I am very interested as you know, I still get calls from an elder wishing to meet with me because "something has come to their attention".

I constantly flip back and forth on my decision to either just let the DFing happen and live with the shunning, or fight it to gain my ill mother.

I value all of the poster's experience and advise, I am refusing to answer any calls & will plan to respond once I am DF'd in absentia

Thanks again

CHG

13

Wonderful weekend of wtiness activity!

by gutted in

saturday - wake up with a big smile on my face, cause hey, it's field service time!

yay!

spend approx.

Coffee House Girl

Lol, I remember those Saturday mornings of fun in the back of a van (not in that "if this van starts a rockin" sort of way) but stuck for the morning thinking of theocratic small talk while you take your turn "round robin" style piling out when it is your turn to take a door.....so bored waiting anxiously for break time or for someone to say they want to make a few RV's so you can relax and count down the time.

Sorry Gutted,

maybe next saturday you can sleep in

Have a better week!

CHG

1

'Bad association'

by XPeterX in

jw
friends

i now know why most shun me or keep their distances.hypocrites.where you considered 'bad association' too?.

Coffee House Girl

I answered at all the meetings, went out in FS every saturday, didn't drink or go to R rated movies, but....I was married to a JW that abandoned me and disappeared out of state- I divorced for financial reasons... then I noticed being marked. No one invited me to get togethers and most avoided me at the meetings, so I guess I was bad association.

When I did start hanging around "worldly" people, then the same things happened.. but people just counseled me to my face that I was bad association & going down a dangerous road. By then I was too far gone & didn't give a shit

91

Why did you leave the 'Organization'?

by XPeterX in

jw
friends

in a few words.....

Coffee House Girl

I was stuck as a divorced person without scriptural reason for divorce (spouce had disappeared, left the state without any idea his warebouts), not able to remarry (was 25years old at the time), told I had to remain "single" until the new system

I knew that was total bs, that unveiled my eyes to see the hypocracy and backbiting of the "brothers and sisters" , and everything fell apart after five years of that shit-

I'm not bitter or anything....

33

I'd like to know who you were before you were baptized a JW? Were you raised a JW? What religion or denomination of Christianity did you profess before you became a JW.

by SAHARA in

if you were raised a jw, how well did you research the history of the org.

before you were baptized?

if you were a convert to the watchtower society , how well did you know the doctrines of the faith before your conversion?

Coffee House Girl

Born in- my mom was baptized, but dad wasn't (thought the JW elders were the gestapo)

I did no research prior to my baptism at age 13, just going along with it all to be "good association"

wish my dad made more of a stand for our sakes, but he's just human, figured at least we weren't doing drugs or becomming teenage parents.

I can't change my past mistakes, now all I can do is plan for a better future (not a "new system" fantasy)

70

Meeting experience

by gutted in

this weeks service meeting was typical.. "where were you?

" "i'm concerned about you".

then the typical song and dance of the parts/talks, all recycled notions of doing better in the service.

Coffee House Girl

I see I am not missing anything at the meetings (same old song and dance)

On the ministry school note, I did quit the ministry school before I stopped going to meetings altogether. I was good at giving talks but I felt like a hypocrite reciting that bullshit in front of the cong. Plus it was a hassle working full time and trying to fit that in as well as everything else.

I told the school overseer that I was going thru a lot of stress and requested to be taken off giving talks for a while, he let it go :)